Confessions of a Humorist

There was a painless stage of incubation that lasted twenty-five years, and then it broke out on me, and people said I was It.

But they called it humor instead of measles.

The employees in the store bought a silver inkstand for the senior partner on his fiftieth birthday.

We crowded into his private office to present it.

I had been selected for spokesman, and I made a little speech that I had been preparing for a week.

It made a hit.

It was full of puns and epigrams and funny twists that brought down the house — which was a very solid one in the wholesale hardware line.

Old Marlowe himself actually grinned, and the employees took their cue and roared.

My reputation as a humorist dates from half-past nine o'clock on that morning.

For weeks afterward my fellow clerks fanned the flame of my self-esteem.

One by one they came to me, saying what an awfully clever speech that was, old man, and carefully explained to me the point of each one of my jokes.

Gradually I found that I was expected to keep it up.

Others might speak sanely on business matters and the day's topics, but from me something gamesome and airy was required.

I was expected to crack jokes about the crockery and lighten up the granite ware with persiflage.

I was second bookkeeper, and if I failed to show up a balance sheet without something comic about the footings or could find no cause for laughter in an invoice of plows, the other clerks were disappointed.

By degrees my fame spread, and I became a local "character."

Our town was small enough to make this possible.

The daily newspaper quoted me.

At social gatherings I was indispensable.

I believe I did possess considerable wit and a facility for quick and spontaneous repartee.

This gift I cultivated and improved by practice.

And the nature of it was kindly and genial, not running to sarcasm or offending others.

People began to smile when they saw me coming, and by the time we had met I generally had the word ready to broaden the smile into a laugh.